Entry 8: Experiencing God in New York
Hello everyone! As promised, I have a very special blog post for you all today, and I’ve been looking forward to writing this one for quite a while now.
Last weekend, I went with a group of 12 other dancers from my studio to New York. We were going because we had been given the opportunity to perform in Times Square by an organization called “Project Dance”, which began in 2002 as an uplifting symbol of hope amidst the wreckage of 9/11. The organization brings in Christian dancers and studios from around the country for one big performance in the center of the city, as well as other opportunities, like taking master classes and worship services. While not a conventional mission trip, the ways in which God moves on this trip are remarkable, and it was certainly a weekend to remember.
As we were preparing for this trip, I had a lot of preconcieved notions of what it would look like, as I had been on this trip 2 years before. But even so, I went into this trip, searching with open eyes for God’s hand and his presence among us. Well, funny enough- I found it on the first day we were there.
On friday, our first day in New York, all of the studios met at a venue at 7pm, for a short performance, a run-down of the weekend, and a worship service. Now, what’s different about this particular worship service, is that it takes place in a room filled with those who express their faith through movement. From the moment that worship began, there was movement, and it was all for God’s glory. For me personally, I wanted to join, but I was uncomfortable, and I only wanted to stand there and take in what was happening around me. As much as I loved watching how others were worshiping by dancing, I was too caught up in how I looked or what people would think of me, to join. No one from my studio was participating, and I wasn’t entirely sure what I was supposed to do in that moment.
I’m pretty sure we’ve all been in that position before. Even those who love to worship God by singing, dancing, moving, praying, are scared to do it in a way that may warrent judgement from others. That it’s “too much” or “too cringy” or “too uncomfortable”. We all have unique ways that we love to worship the LORD, but all too often, there is a barrier that keeps us from worshiping in this way-- the approval of man. We all seek the approval of others, even when we don’t realize it. And oftentimes, it can be so powerful it can make us do something as silly as standing still in a worship service full of dancers. We can get so caught up in wondering what other people think of us, that we so easily forget that our worship isn’t for THEM. In Galatians 1:10, Paul says: "Am I now seeking the approval of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." The only way that God can meet us in worship, is if we let go of how we may appear and truly worship Him with our whole body, mind, heart, and soul.
As the worship service continued on, I closed my eyes, and I tried to embrace this idea. That my worship was not meant for man, but for God. And as I did, as I set my eyes on Him, everything else melted away. I was just moving, I was just present, I was just doing what felt right and true and beautiful. As I kept going, I felt more and more fulfillment, like I was whole, like I was doing what I was always meant to do. And the crazy thing is, when you step into that- God’s design for true and whole-hearted worship, others see that, and they join you. One of my good friends, and a girl who I barely know, both joined me, and we were dancing together, moving as best we could with tangled arms and stumbling feet. Suddenly I saw how my letting go, showed two others that they could let go too.
As the worship service continued, the director of Project Dance came on stage to share some words about God’s purpose for our life. And there was a girl, whose name I unfortunately don’t remember, who she asked to come up and interpret her words through dance. It was nothing short of amazing. The clarity with which she moved and how easily she portrayed what was being said. Even as the words came to an end, she continued on and it was one of the beautiful things I’ve ever seen. And then, the most astounding part, was when she had finished, it was clear that the spirit was still in her, still working through her. She started speaking with such passion that tears were streaming from her eyes and she could barely stand. She spoke of God’s purpose for our lives, and that when it really came down to it, all of it, our hard work, our dance, our lives, was so that one day, we could all see eachother again in heaven. That was it. That was the whole point. To run the race that God has marked for us, knowing that at the finish line, is an eternity spent in his presence.
After she had finished speaking, my studio all huddled together to pray, and my director asked if anyone had any prayer requests. Well- I had one, and after what I just heard, I couldn’t help but share it. I shared that I needed prayer that I may come to love myself, and my body, as God loves me. To look in the mirror and see something beautiful, to walk into a room and not feel the need to compare myself to everyone there. I shared that I wanted to find true happiness and satisfaction NOW, not when my body looks exactly how I want it to. That same spirit that was flowing through the room, was flowing through me too, and I know it, because I saw tears in the eyes of these girls who I love so dearly. God’s glory poured out on us in that moment, so powerful it pushed us to collective tears.
It hit me in that moment just how good my God is, how He can turn the uncomfortable into glorious praise in a matter of minutes. It felt like that burden of comparison, that deep longing (throwback to last week’s post) to be someone else was flowing out in my tears, and God’s love and grace had come to replace whatever broken, twisted sin was resting in my heart. What started out as uncertainty turned into surrender, because by letting go of my fear, I had reached God’s threshold, and I had taken others with me.
The rest of the weekend had many wonderful moments of connection and time spent with God, but for me, that Friday night is where God met me. In the chaos of life, and the business of the everyday, I encourage you to try to worship God in everything that you do. Romans 12:1 says, “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God-this is your true and proper worship.” Stop caring so much about what other people think of you. Sing, dance, pray, cry, yell— do it all for the glory of the LORD. Proclaim His name from the rooftops, give Him all of the glory and praise, and watch how everything else just seems to melt away. Our God deserves it ALL, so don’t hold yourself back from the worship you were created to do. It doesn’t need to be perfect, it doesn’t need to be impressive, it just needs to be true.
