Entry 11: Even in the Darkest Valley

Welcome to blog post #11!! This is another special post, because I get to tell you about my last mission trip of the summer- Utah! On July 12th through the 19th, I went with 27 other people (4 adult leaders) to Utah to help serve The Front Church, a small Christian church in Salt Lake City. The pastor, Nate, is good friends with my old pastor, and our church has been going out there for 5 years now to serve them. The week consisted of various serving and recreational activities: Door hangers, hiking, picking up food drive donations, weed pulling, setting up for Sunday church, touring temple square, testimony sharing, and talking/serving with LDS.

Now, you might be wondering why we go on this trip every year. Why Utah? What benefit comes from serving there? What many don’t know, is that while Utah is physically like any other state in the U.S, spiritually, it is an incredibly dark place. Somewhere between 42%-60% of the population identifies as Mormon, also known as LDS (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints). The LDS derive their beliefs from The Book of Mormon, written by Joseph Smith in 1830, supposedly through the translation of gold plates left in the early America's. If correct, the Book of Mormon is an account of the original LDS in the early Americas, and Jesus’s appearance to them after his resurrection. However, there is no historical evidence to support any account of the Book of Mormon, nor does the bible ever offer any scripture to support it as a keystone of faith. As a result, at its best Mormonism is a big mistake. At its worst, an even bigger lie.

There were so many moments on this trip where we encountered God and his work in Utah. I learned things I hope to take away and remember for years to come, lessons that will shape my ministry in the future.

Lesson number 1: God is always working, and it’s usually in unexpected ways. A year ago, when I first went on this trip, we attended the Front Church’s Sunday morning service, and I can only remember one thing— the worship. I remember watching the worship band set up and practice, and in everything they were doing, they were praising God. I remember what it felt like as they praised the Lord, like His presence pervaded the room. I thought, “imagine if one day I could do that”. I forgot about that moment, until June 10th, when Steven (one of our leaders) sent me a text; “Would you be interested in leading worship with me for The Front Church when we are in Utah?” For a year, God had given me mentors, opportunities, experience, and encouragement that culminated to this text. I never even realized it, but he had been preparing me to lead worship ever since that moment last year. It was one of the most clear and powerful examples of God’s working in my life, and how my worship would work in the lives of others.

Lesson number 2: Everyone has a story and God is in every story. On our __th night in Utah, we put on something called an interfaith outreach night. It’s a community service project meant to allow Christians and LDS to connect and serve the community. We met up at a community garden to pull weeds and lay down mulch. When we got there, we stood in the pavilion, waiting for instructions on what we needed to do. I looked over, and there was a girl next to me, wearing a Bailey Zimmerman tshirt. I complimented her shirt (I love Bailey Zimmerman) and before I knew it, we were deep in a conversation about country music and our favorite artists. When it came time to split off into different groups for various jobs, we immediately looked at each other, and got to work as we talked. Her name was Xandrie, and she’s going into her freshman year of high school. She was incredibly kind, energetic, and curious. As we started talking, she asked me what I wanted to do after I graduated high school, and I told her I wanted to become a missionary. We talked for a while about the differences between LDS and Christian missionaries, and I told her about how God was making my missions dreams come true. I asked her if she was planning on serving her mission (as most LDS teens do) and she said no. You see, what I learned so quickly about Xandrie, is that she loves God. She loves to talk about Him, think about Him, learn about Him. She has a relationship with Him, and she loves to ponder and wrestle with hard questions. “I don’t want to serve my mission because I just don’t think that’s God’s calling for my life. My religion has this expectation that that is what you are supposed to do, but I think that God could use me more effectively if I use the gifts that He gave me. It’s not that I don’t want to serve God, I just think He has a different purpose for me.” Xandrie and I continued to talk, about silly things like hobbies and boyfriends, and deeper things like theology and marriage in the church. She was incredibly fun to talk to, and it felt like I was talking to an old friend. She told me how much she loved to pray, how God spoke to her through prayer, and how prayer got her through the grief and pain of losing her grandma. We agreed on a lot of things, and what we didn’t, we talked about that too. She didn’t know it, but Xandrie showed me that there was hope for the people in Utah, because God was there with them. Always working.

Lesson Number 3: Change your ‘why’ questions to ‘how’ questions. One of the most difficult days of the trip for me was at a particular place we served at. On Thursday night, we arrived at a safe house owned by a woman named Tanya. She runs an organization called Holding Out Help which seeks to provide resources, housing, and therapy for women escaping polygamy. For an hour, Tanya told us her story and the very recent history of polygamy in Utah. A few years ago, Tanya was placed on hospice with terminal cancer. As her and her family prepared for her death, she said a prayer. “Lord, if you give me more time with my daughters, I’ll dedicate my life to serving you in any way you want me to.” God healed Tanya, and He began to present her with opportunities and resources to offer refuge for polygamy victims. It wasn’t long before Tanya started taking in women and families running from polygamy, and learning their jaw-dropping stories. The official LDS church has outlawed polygamy as a religious practice, but there are 3 main shootouts of the LDS church that have become extreme cults centered around the oppressive practice. Tanya told us what life was like for people living in these cults. Girls are married off as young as 10 to men older than 60. These men have many wives, who are consistently neglected, raped, and emotionally oppressed. The wives are expected to bear children every year until their bodies can’t anymore and give up their possessions and food for the benefit of the community. For young men, those who can’t find wives are shipped off to labor camps or institutions where their entire lives are spent working and attempting to survive. Tanya told us what it’s like for the families leaving this hell- they don’t know how to function in a normal society, and they live in constant fear of harm. Everything that was done to them, was done in the name of God, and the belief that their obedience would grant them salvation. As we sat there, in utter silence at the horrors we had just heard, a friend leaned into me and whispered in my ear— “Psychos”. It was one of the most horrible things I had ever heard, my disgust was so palpable I could almost vomit. Tanya told us about how dangerous her job was, how these cults knew about what she was doing, and wanted her and her kids dead. But what is so amazing, is that when she should have been afraid, she laughed, because she trusted God, and He had already brought her back from the brink of death.

After she finished speaking to us, we walked to another safe house location to pull weeds. As we walked, I wasn’t sure what to do. What to think, how to feel. I was angry, angry that girls had to go through that hell. Angry that that evil was so prevalent, so obvious, yet few seemed to do anything about it. I didn’t know how to understand what I had just heard, or what I should do with it. As we pulled weeds, I sat in silence, and I pleaded with God. “Why does this happen, God? Why do you let this happen? Why would someone do something like that? Why not to me? Why can’t I understand it?” One of our leaders, Annette, was sitting next to me pulling weeds, so I asked her: “How do I process something like this?” Here’s what she said to me: “You’re asking God all of these WHY questions, but really you should be asking him HOW. There’s no satisfactory answer to the question why, but God wants us to wrestle with our questions because He desires to answer them. Whenever I experience hard things or struggle to comprehend difficult circumstances, I remember 1 Thessalonians 5:16-19 “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Instead of asking: “why does this happen?” ask: “How is God working in it?” Rejoice that God raises up people like Tanya to bring light to that community, pray for those who need to hear the truth, and give thanks that God has a plan for every single person. Remember that the most important thing about every single one of them, is that Jesus loves them, whether they are the molested or yes, even the molester. God’s love is pretty crazy like that.”

My trip to Utah was not only eye-opening, but soul touching. I learned that God wants to answer our silly questions, and our really hard ones. I learned that when we pray we really can move mountains, and when we pray for others, we can move their mountains. I learned that ministry is hard, and it’s long, and it’s frustrating, but it is the most rewarding thing you could ever do. I learned that God is always working, and everything that happens to you has a purpose. I learned that the truth really does set you free, or in my case, brings a friend back to you. I learned that when you step into God’s purpose for you, you inspire others to do the same. And I learned that we’re all just broken people, looking and longing for God, some people just have the wrong template.

If you think about it, it’s so interesting that Utah is a valley surrounded by mountains. Psalm 23:4 says, “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Utah is a dark valley, surrounded by the mountains of evil, greed, lust, sin, and confusion. But God is in the valley, leading His sheep home. In a religion built on lies, God sends people like Nate to spread truth. Leading His sheep home. In a culture of expected perfection, God lifts up people like Xandrie who rejoice in their imperfection. Leading His sheep home. In a reality of centralized sexual crime for young girls, God raises up people like Tanya to rescue them.

This summer was filled with so many amazing opportunities to learn about God’s character and discover the heart He has for His people. It made me incredibly excited for the years to come, and solidified my resolution, that no matter the challenges that lay ahead or the sacrifices to be made, I will become a missionary.